Almost. Yikes.

Corbin almost DROWNED! I only turned my back for a second. (famous last words, right?)

See my beautiful sister-in-law (Jessica) behind us in the hot tub? She saved his life. And, in turn, saved mine too.

After we took the above picture I moved just inches closer to the camera while Jason continued taking pictures of Tienna's first time in a pool.

About a second later I heard Jessica call my name in a panicked tone. I whipped around to see Corbin's head bobbing just under the water. Like he was bouncing on his toes trying to get his head above the water. But he couldn't. Before I could even...gasp...Jess had leaped from the hot tub and into the pool, scooping him up. Superman couldn't have been faster.

The memory of it is so clear in my head. So crisp. I remember every single detail of those 5 seconds.

I think his little life flashed before my eyes.

What if Jess was too busy watching her own kids and didn't see Corbin out of the corner of her eye? What if no one noticed? Until it was too late? He was silent. I didn't hear splashing, no squeal, nothing. He was just inches from me.

I can't imagine.

I love this little boy with every bit of me.

An Angel

Corbin woke me up this morning and asked me if he could play on my computer. I wasn't ready to get out of bed, so the answer was no.

He said, "Okay. That's what I thought. Anyway, you look like an angel. I love you." ...and he skipped out of the room.
Lets be honest. Who looks like an angel? My Corbin does. Sometimes he takes my breath away.

I had an itch.

So we scratched it. And it was good.

I've really been hankering to get to the coast. When I first moved here I promised myself I would not take the coast for granted, and I would drive out there at least once a month. Well...apparently I break promises. At least promises I make to myself. Shame on me.

So after church on Sunday we came home and changed, loaded up the van, and headed west for the afternoon. We had a great time!

Here's a run-down of our day:

The kids used their Easter buckets. Yay Easter Bunny! (Unfortunately, the Easter Bunny is cheap. These $1 buckets barely made it through their first trip to the beach. Jenalyn's got a hole in it, and Corbin's handle broke.)

We explored caves

Climbed on rocks

Hiked to the lighthouse

AND THEN. Jason grilled up a delicious dinner. Right there on the beach. I love living in Oregon. I love that we only have to drive one hour to enjoy such beauty.

But I especially love that I have beauties of my own to share it with:

Isn't she dreamy?

I miss it...

Today I went with the youth from our church to the Federal Courthouse for a tour. A member of our bishopric is a U.S. Attorney and while he introduced different people to us, you could hear the pride in his voice. He's proud of the people he gets to associate with on a daily basis. Good, respectable, intelligent professionals who are important in our community.

That's what I miss about my work.

Sorry this is a back-to-back post about my former life as a legal assistant. But it really struck me today. I miss the people I worked with.

I don't miss waking up every morning in a rush to get out the door {late again} for work. I don't miss my ever-growing pile of filing. I don't miss that one person who I was forced to work with even though our personalities clashed like the titans. I don't miss my itty-bitty cubicle - no, wait. I do kind of miss that. It was always tidy, with a place for everything, and everything in it's place ('cept for that darned pile of papers waiting to be filed). I wish I had an itty-bitty spot in my house that was ALWAYS tidy. But I digress...

I do miss interacting with, associating with, and working for people that I highly respected. Stalwarts in our community. Good, respectable attorneys who worked hard to get that big, corner office. And my Nancy-boss. Who worked especially hard to get to where she is today. She made it big in the "man's world" while somehow managing to keep her family a top priority. Definitely someone to admire and look up to.

And I got to rub shoulders with these people. Every day!

I miss them.

(Please don't misconstrue this to read that I don't like my life and the people in it today. That's not at all true. I wouldn't give this up for anything. I love my life.)

Happy mommy-versary.

Every October 20 for 12 years I got a really nice email from the Firm Administrator or Managing Partner at the office, wishing me a Happy Anniversary! Following that email I would get a stream of emails from co-workers congratulating me on another year at the firm.

My last day working was April 16, 2010. That makes today is my first anniversary of working my dream job. My new title:

Stay-at-home-MOM.

I've always wanted this. It's harder than I thought it would be. But definitely rewarding. Yes, I miss the office sometimes. I was there a long time and it felt like a family to me. But I wouldn't go back. Even though my boss, who was a super organized perfectionist, was waaay easier to appease than my three kids. And she gave praise and appreciation where appropriate. I rarely get that from the kiddle-bops.

But I love giving my home and family top priority. If my kids are sick, I can stay home and snuggle them all day. If they have a school performance in the middle of the day, I don't have to make any arrangements to be there. There's no question.

I'm here for them.

I love it!

And I have my ever-lovin' Sugar Daddy to thank for it! Yeah! I am so grateful that he goes to work every day.

So that I don't have to.

What a gift.

Thank you, Jason! I love you.

The highlight of my day

I had a really, really, really wonderful Sunday. Really. Sacrament meeting was peaceful {even} with the kids. Tienna slept through most of the other meetings. Jason took care of the kids while I crossed off to-do's for my calling after church. I had a nice afternoon nap, snuggled up with my baby.

It was just good. And peaceful. As the Sabbath Day should be.

But the best part of my day, was this evening. We took some burgers over to Grandpa John's house to grill on his new outdoor grill. After we all had eaten, and it was starting to get dark, Grandpa built a fire in his fire pit and sat out there with the kids. I was sitting just inside the door because I didn't want Tienna out in the smoke. I overheard Jenalyn sweetly ask her grandpa to tell her a story.

Awwww.

Grandpa John has had such an exciting life. So many tremendous experiences. So I sat and listened while he told his grandchildren about his first time flying an airplane (he was in the Air Force). And I watched the awe in my kids' faces when he described how he flipped the airplane upside down.

It was just one of those moments that I never want to forget. And I hope my kids will never forget. Sitting in grandpa's backyard around the fire, listening to his incredible stories.
I'm gaining a new love and appreciation for this man and his role as grandfather to my children. They adore him.

My Third Masterpiece

I was nursing Tienna yesterday and I gazed down at her perfect little fingers and it struck me:

I MADE THIS!

My body has nurtured her since she was a tiny little speck. She has grown from that little speck into this amazing, perfect little person, and my body alone has given her every ounce of nourishment she needed to grow. I am so grateful to be a woman. I'm grateful for this body that my Heavenly Father made for me. I can do amazing things (proof is in the picture above).

(I don't know why this concept hasn't hit me so profoundly before now - I mean, she is my third baby, not my first.)

Joy of Love (Day 5)

Okay, so I'm not getting these done in order. Ah well...at least I'm doing it. Right?

Day 5 - Love to Hate:
In this picture you'll see Jenalyn, scissors, tape and paper. That's all you need to keep this girl happy. She can make anything with paper! In this picture she's making "creature power suits" from the show Wild Kratts. Also this week she made herself a wiener dog named Snuggers (she wants a puppy SO BAD). She also made Snuggers a doggy carrying case, a feeding dish and a doggy bed. ALL OUT OF PAPER! No kidding. She's amazing.

Love:

• She is so very creative!
• It keeps her occupied with things other than watching T.V.
• I like paper-crafting too. :)
• I like to support and encourage her artistic talent.
• It's a fairly cheap hobby (a pack of construction paper isn't too expensive).

Hate:

• These paper crafts end up all over the house.
• Paper everywhere. Seriously.
  
• Its hard for me not to consider some of these crafts a waste of paper, since they end up on the floor, and eventually torn up and in the trash. (I feel bad calling it a waste of paper because I really do want to support her creativity.)
• I can never find my scissors and tape.
  

I'll have to take a picture of Snuggers for the world to see. He(she?) is very cute.

Joy of Love (Day 1)

What he does:
Jason is the IT guy for a local company. He spends many late nights on his laptop researching and troubleshooting. Lucky(?) for me, he brings it to bed with him so I don't have to go to bed alone.

IT isn't all he does. He's a great husband and father. In fact last night, just prior to this picture being taken, he took over the mom-duties and got dinner for the kids so I could go out with some of the gals I use to work with. He is always so supportive of me having my girl time. I am so very grateful for that. Because I NEED that!

I love my hubs. He works hard for our family.

Joy of Love (Day 3)

I'm participating in a free online class called The Joy of Love. The class requires that you take a picture of someone you love each day during the month of February. I just started today. I may go back and do the first two days another time. But I really wanted to start today. So here it is:

(Can I just say, the look in those eyes makes my heart beat a little faster. I am so in love with this man!)

The topic is "Then and Now." The "now" was taken this evening. The "then" is the last professional photo we've had taken of us, and it was taken one week after we got married (11.5 years ago!). *HA* time for a new pic to go on the mantle, huh? (I tried to position his head so I was hidden in the picture, because I hate that picture of me.)

The challenge was to get in "tight". Fill the frame.

Three Months Old

I can't believe this little sweety has been with us for three months already. I can't call her a newborn anymore. Waaaah! She is getting so big!

• She weighs about 12 lbs. She is in the 50% for weight and 25% for height.
  
• Her smile lights up the whole west coast.
• I'm getting really close to getting a laugh outta her. I can't wait to hear those giggles.
• She likes when her brother and sister play with her.
  
• She gives daddy one of her heart-melting smiles whenever she sees him.
• She likes to sleep snuggled between mommy and daddy. We put her down to sleep in her own bed and she sleeps for about 4-7 hours (it varies nightly) and then she's in bed with us for the rest of the night. She's a snuggler for sure.
  
• She doesn't have any kind of schedule. I'm hoping to change that soon!
• Mommy is her favorite person! She cries and screams if I go anywhere without her. (What can I say? I'm her food source.)
• She likes the sound of her own voice. Lots of screeching.
  

We love you little Miss Lu-Lu Bird.

Happy Birthday to Me (33)

Yep, I had another birthday (last Saturday). They just keep on coming! I can't stop them. LOL. I might try harder to stop them if they weren't so darned fun!

My grandma treated us to breakfast first thing in the morning. I *thought* about ordering something healthy...Nah! It's my birthday! If there's ever a day to splurge, it's your birthday, right? So I ordered berry-filled crepes with ham and eggs.
It was De.Lish.Us. Great way to start my birthday: Good company. Good food. Perfect. And our breakfast date ended with fireworks. Corbin knows how much I love fireworks on the 4th of July. He said he had a present for me and broke out with these fireworks so I immediately whipped out my camera so I would never forget my birthday fireworks. He's such a sweet kid.


After breakfast I got a little nap with my baby - one of my favorite things to do these days! She's so warm and cuddly.

Anyway, after that I went shopping at the mall with Venessa. Jason and his dad both gave me shopping money (and I'm still not done spending it *heehee*). I seriously needed that! When I was working, all my clothes were business-casual, after I quit I was wearing maternity clothes. I so badly needed new clothes.

After shopping, Venessa and James came over to our house for dinner and dessert. We ordered P.F. Changs (take-out):

(Isn't it gorgeous? So colorful and yummy! You can also see the pretty flowers Jason bought me. Awe.)

And then we made fondue in the new melting pot I got for Christmas. That was an inspired gift, I'll tell you what! I'm horrible at melting chocolate. I don't know why it's so hard for me. I always scorch it! This thing was so easy to use! And it was the perfect birthday treat!

I...Love...BIRTHDAYS!

I love having a day to celebrate one person. Holidays are fun and all, but I think it's even more fun to act like royalty for a day. It's the one day out of the year when I don't have to cook or clean for an entire 24 hours! I love it. I relish it!

Our "miracle" baby.

As soon as Tienna was born she was taken into a small room (within my delivery room) and examined by the NICU staff. She passed meconium in utero and they wanted to make sure she hadn't swallowed any. Jason went with her. (This isn't the miracle part).

While they were examining the baby (she was A-OK, by the way), the midwife asked me to give a couple more pushes in order to "birth" the placenta. (Gah! Really? I thought I was done pushing!)

After that was done, she examined the placenta, as usual, and discovered that we had a velamentous cord insertion. I had no idea what that meant, so she explained to me that the umbilical cord wasn't attached to the placenta in the normal spot. It was hanging on...barely. She said that it could have become disconnected during the birth, or if my water had broken at home, or any other time during my pregnancy...and we could have lost our sweet baby.

Usually this condition is discovered during the ultrasound mid-pregnancy. But Patricia had looked over my ultrasound records just that morning while she was waiting for me to arrive at the hospital and saw nothing.

I can't imagine if we had discovered it at my 20-week ultrasound. I would have been afraid to sneeze! I would have been terrified throughout the remainder of my pregnancy.

I know this may seem like a small miracle, compared to what a lot of people go through. But it was a big deal to me. This pregnancy seemed a little surreal. I couldn't imagine what it would be like to have another little person in our house. I couldn't picture what it would be like. I freaked myself out, thinking that this meant something was going to happen to my baby. That something would go wrong and I wouldn't actually bring her home with me. (I know, I drive myself crazy.)

I am just so glad that everything went well. The day of Tienna's birth was so perfect. I cherish the memory of every single second of that day. Because I know that things could have been vastly different. With the smallest twist of fate, it could have been the worst day of my life.

I am so grateful for my sweet, healthy baby. She is perfect. In every way.

Tienna Lou's Birth Story

I hate that I haven't written this down yet. It was the most powerful experience I've ever had. I hate the thought of losing a single second of the memory. And yet I feel like I couldn't do it justice with my words.

Sigh.

I'll try my best.
(I don't have many pictures of myself this pregnancy, but here I am at 35 weeks.)

I was due on October 23. That day came and went. Each day drove me closer to the edge. I thought I would go crazy. I'm not a very patient person. And this was a very trying pregnancy! Some days I just cried. I hurt so bad! And I felt like my poor kids were missing out on so much because I didn't have it in me to take them out! Borderline depression.

The morning of Thursday, October 28 started just like every other day. I drove Jenalyn to school. Came home, sent Jason off to work. Corbin was on my computer while I watched Rachael Ray and folded laundry. On RR she was showing a segment about her friend Gretta's delivery of their son. She had to have a c-section and I cried for her. That has always been my biggest freak-out. I never want to be cut open wide and have my baby extracted like that. *YIKES*

During the show I was having some contractions - but then I'd been having annoying contractions for so long, I was trying to ignore them. But soon I thought they seemed a little more intense...and wow, they were coming more frequently! So I started timing them. Yep! Pretty sure this was it. So I called the midwife (Patricia). She told me to come on in. So I called Jason and told him to come home, called mom & dad to come stay with Corbin (they were in town playing the waiting game with us) and called Venessa and asked her to meet us at the hospital.

We got to the hospital around 9:45 (all times are approximate - I can't remember - I know, I should have written this sooner!). They got me settled into a delivery room and hooked me up to an IV with antibiotics for GBS (they like to get 2 doses in before the baby is delivered). When they checked me I was only dilated to 4cm. *ugh* As bad as those contrax hurt! Only a 4?!?! Sheesh!

Jason asked them to send up an anesthesiologist ASAP. But I said I would like to wait a little while, maybe sit in the tub and see how it goes. So I got into the tub and it actually really helped (I didn't like it when I was in labor with Jenalyn - didn't even try with Corbin). Soon, my contractions were coming so quickly and were so painful, I told Patricia that I didn't want to feel ANY MORE, so she could call anesthesiologist now. I was only partially coherent, but she said something about blood work (maybe because I was anemic), and something about getting in the other dose of antibiotics.

After a short time in the tub I remember the contractions being so close together that I didn't even open my eyes between them. I was in a zone. I could hear the people talking around me, but I wasn't responding. Then I remembered a friend telling me her experience with natural labor, and feeling incoherent during the final stages. So I asked Patricia to check for dilation again...after about 45 minutes since the last time we checked, I was 8+cm dilated! YOWSA!

I started feeling really really hot, so I got out of the tub and back into the bed. At this point, Patricia explained that if we called the anesthesiologist up, I would probably start feeling the urge to push while he was doing the interthecal, and the anesthetic probably wouldn't even kick-in in time for the delivery. So she asked Jason (since I was out of it) what he wanted to do. He said again, "Call up the anesthesiologist!" And I burst in and said NO! Lets just do this! Get this baby out! Just seconds later, I was pushing.

I couldn't believe the urge to push took over my entire body. Like I wasn't even controlling it at first. It was weird! I was on my back and I was horribly uncomfortable. Somehow I knew that the baby wasn't coming out at that angle. So I asked if I could get down on my knees (with my elbows resting on the bed). Of course, Patricia let me take the lead.

Once I got into that position, gripping Jason's hand with my left, and Venessa's hand with my right, pushing only lasted a couple minutes. Long, agonizing, screaming minutes! I've never considered myself a screamer, but yeah. I was pretty loud!

It was the strangest experience. Now I understand why you should prepare yourself for natural childbirth. I took a natural childbirth class when I was pregnant with Jenalyn ... 7 years ago! And I remembered very little.

I was soooo not prepared for this. It was so very painful. Pushing was painful. (I mean, I knew it wouldn't be a walk in the park, but man!) Yet I knew I had to push in order to get over this. So it was like I was fighting against myself. I had to force myself to do the one thing that could get me through it. *sopainful*

When she was finally out, I felt instant relief. I looked up at Venessa and said, "Don't ever do that!" Ha ha ha - I don't feel that way anymore.

It was an amazing experience. I felt very empowered. And, when I held my sweet Tienna for the first time, I felt a connection unlike anything I've ever felt. Like we had done this together. As if she had been through all that hard work and pain right along with me and she was the only other living person who knew what I just endured. Weird? Maybe.

Things of note:

• Three-hour labor! YAY ME!
• I could never do labor without my Jason. I'm pretty sure of this. Every time I felt a contraction coming on, my first instinct was to reach for him. Through the whole thing, I think there was only 2 or 3 contractions that he wasn't present for. He brings me more comfort than I can tell you.
  

• I have the best BFF in the world! She was amazing! When I had Jenalyn, we asked her to be there to video tape it. She has been at every birth since then, and she took on a new role with each one. This time she was more of a Doula. (I just read the "What is a Doula" section in that link, and yeah! That was definitely Venessa!) She brought her own little hospital bag which included socks for me, hair ties, heat patches...she was AH-MAZE-ING!

• I will never have a baby without a midwife. I felt so safe! I felt confident that my fate would not be the same as Gretta's. And I loved that she let me take the lead. She was so encouraging. At one point, I remember asking if I was doing it wrong! *LOL* she assured me that my body knew exactly what it needed to do, so I just needed to listen to my body.
• I was so very grateful my parents where in town. They picked Jenalyn up from school so she could be at the hospital too. The kids got to meet their new baby sister after she was just minutes old! And having them here to help out after the birth was invaluable! (and before the birth too! Sheesh, my house had been neglected far too long!)

More on our little miracle baby later. This post is getting too long!

New Year - 2011

We had such a fun New Years Eve celebration this year! It was just us. This was the first year since we got married, that we haven't spent New Years Eve with friends. But we had a GREAT time with just our little family!

When Jenalyn started hearing all the talk about New Years she asked, "Is that the holiday when we get to stay up until midnight?" heehee...YES! How exciting for a 7-year old, right? Corbin got to stay up too. Not Tienna though. She's too young *LOL*

So here's what we did.

We made M&M shakers for our midnight noisemakers:

We had some delicious snacks:

We watched Fantasia 2000. Then we toasted the New Year with sparkling cider:

Then I made the family pose with me for the first family photo (minus Tienna) of 2011:

After this picture was taken, my lovies got to go to bed while I headed out the door to serve breakfast to our ward's Youth after their New Years Eve dance. I didn't get home until after 3:00 because I stayed chatting with the YW presidnecy. Gosh, I love my calling!

And I love my family. I read thru some old blog posts with the kids yesterday. They had so much fun hearing their stories, seeing their pictures, and watching little videos! So I resolved to blog more this year. I hate that I've neglected to document so many memories because of my laziness!