My mother had surgery in mid-December.
It was supposed to be a routine procedure with complete recovery within 2-3
weeks. It didn't go so smoothly, to say the least. We almost lost
her several times. It was liking riding a really awful roller
coaster. One day she seemed to be doing better, the next, we were
worried about losing her. She developed a large ulcer and was
bleeding internally. She lost more than half her blood. I think it
was the most scared I have ever been. Not knowing if I would see her
again in this life was unbearable. I love my mom very
much and have always counted her as one of my closest friends. I
wanted to be there so badly. But I'm homeschooling my kids, and
Jason is studying for an important exam, and we don't have any money
to spare. I knew that if I went, I would not be able to stay long,
so my timing had to be perfect. I saved my Christmas money and was
ready to hop a plane at any time.
Amidst all the commotion of my mom's
health, they finally received an offer on their home, which had been
on the market for 4+ years. They accepted the offer and signed
papers. Closing was set for January 31.
Finally, the roller coaster stopped;
she started getting better. They had stopped the internal bleeding
and gave her medication for the ulcer, and my mom was finally getting
better and stronger every day. But I still felt a nagging need to be
there for her. I knew that she would still be weak and I didn't want
her to over do it with packing and getting ready to move. They have
a lot of friends and family who could help, but my nagging feeling
wouldn't got away. So I booked my flight for two weeks out. I was
to leave on my birthday and would stay for a week. Just in time to
help with final packing and loading.
When I flew in on Wednesday, January
22, we stopped by to see Grandma Moffat before our trip down to
Castle Dale. About a year ago I had resolved to make it a priority
to see my grandma every time I was in town. She is getting older and
more frail. When we got there I was shocked at how tired she looked.
The previous Friday she broke her arm. She told us that someone
would be in that day to put the cast on. She didn't say much to us,
and it felt like she hardly knew we were there. We didn't stay long
because she seemed so very tired. We headed down to Castle Dale to
get to work on the house.
On Thursday my mom got a call from her
sister saying that grandma had been on pain medication for her arm
and they were going to take her off that because it was making her
too sleepy. I was relieved to hear that her loopiness had likely
been caused by medication and could easily be remedied.
On Friday morning we got word that
grandma's kidneys were starting to shut down. They expected it would
be her last day lucid.
Mom and I drove up to be with her and
help where we could. She had so many visitors. Her little room at
the Wentworth nursing home was packed with loved ones. Jerald, Jess,
Braydon and Alex had spent a lot of time there. Jerald said he
kissed her forehead and talked to her a bit and she told him that she
loved him. I could tell that meant a lot to him.
Jessica and the boys were so sweet with
Grandma. I was impressed with how naturally nurturing they were.
They held her hand and stroked her head. They put a cool cloth on
her forehead and gave her water from a small sponge to keep her mouth
from getting too dry.
Grandma's eyes fluttered open for brief
moments when someone would talk to her. She would answer simple
questions with a yes or no, but she was mostly sleeping. She looked
so peaceful. Ron and Charlotte insisted on staying with her that
night.
On Saturday we got back to the nursing
home around 10 a.m. Auntie Rae had been there for several hours
already. She said that grandma hadn't opened her eyes or said
anything all morning. The new day brought more visitors. So many
people who loved and cared for grandma. Some shared tears, all
shared fond, sweet memories. Grandma may or may not have been aware,
but she was surrounded by love. Her room was overflowing with it.
Jerald and his family came back at 3:00
so they could stay with grandma while her kids came back to her condo
for a family meeting. I went too so I could make dinner for them.
We were gone for about 2 hours.
When we returned to the Wentworth, the
room was bursting at the seams with grandkids and great-grandkids.
All wanting to drink in grandma's sweet spirit one last time. Cheryl
was there with her little family. Boston drew, colored, and cut out
a sweet rainbow and had taped it on her wall to cheer grandma up.
Within an hour, the crowd thinned out.
Visitors took their kids home for bed. Stan and Marty left to check
in on Marty's mom. Ron and Charlotte had left for the night. Auntie
Rae and John were just leaving to get some overnight things so she
could stay with grandma for the night. Mom was planning on staying
too. She left the room to call dad to fill him in on how the meeting
went.
At about 7:00 me, Jerald and his family
were sitting in grandma's room talking about the visitors who had
come in. Jerald mentioned that grandma's former bishop and his wife
stopped by. She was a retired nurse, and she noted grandma's high
temperature and predicted that she would probably not make it through
the night. I glanced over and noticed that grandma's breathing
was...different. Jessica got up to check on her. She said her hands
were as cold as ice. Then we noticed her breaths were fewer and
farther between. There would be a period of silence and then a small
gasp of breath. We knew this was the end.
I ran out to get mom. She hung up with
dad quickly and came running. I took her phone. She ran right to
grandma's side. She was sobbing, “Mom! Mom! Wake up!” Jessica
gently held my mom and told her it was ok. It's okay to let her go.
I stepped into the hallway to call Auntie Rae. I told her she needed
to come back right away. They were just pulling out of the parking
lot. When I came back in, her breaths had stopped. Jerald was
holding one hand and and mom the other.
We were all crying, while grandma was
having a happy reunion with her loved ones on the other side. I
could see her lovely smile in my mind. I could see her skipping and
dancing while embracing her mom and dad. These thoughts give me so
much peace and comfort.
Ron and Charlotte, Stan and Marty,
Auntie Rae and John all came back to the Wentworth. Calls were made.
Maddi and Cam got there, each grieving in their own way. They both
had such sweet bonds with grandma. We had a family prayer. Cam said
it. It was very sweet and full of emotion. After the prayer was
over, we stayed standing and candidly shared stories and memories of
grandma. We laughed and cried. It felt good to be smiling and
honoring her memory.
Uncle Gene was at a political banquet
where he was a key speaker. He was hard to get ahold of. They left
messages and texts for him. He finally called Ron after 10:00. From
Ron's side of the conversation I could tell that Gene was taking it
hard. It sounded like he was remorseful that he wasn't there.
One thing that really impressed me was
Jerald's family. I was in awe at how each one of them – even the
teenage boys – were so attentive, thoughtful, and sincere. They
had spent so much time at grandma's side. They were in that small
room for so many hours and each one of them seemed perfectly content,
as if they wouldn't choose to be any other place. When the hospice
nurse came to prep her body for the coroner, Braydon stayed in there
to help.
The day after grandma passed (Sunday),
we met back at the Wentworth to help clean out her room. They
happened to be having a Sacrament Meeting in the banquet room when we
were wrapping up, so mom and I sneaked in the back...mom in her
jeans, and me in my yoga pants. When we first sat down I started
feeling a little guilty for not following John and Rae back to unload
grandma's things at the condo. I was wondering if we should have
been helping instead. Before the opening prayer was over, I felt so
strongly touched by the spirit. I was grateful for the choice we
made. I enjoyed the Sacrament so much more than I had in a long time
(maybe because I didn't have 3 squirmy kids with me).
When the first speaker got up she said
that she had a thought while she was chasing her toddler in the hall
during the opening song, and she wished to share it with us. She
thought of a conference talk where they spoke of the difference
between healing and being cured. She quoted specifically about
healing a broken arm. I kept thinking, this was Grandma's cure.
She is cured now, not just healing.
I put my arm around mom and we shed some tears. I knew mom felt it
too.
That sweet speaker,
who's name I never learned, then noted that her thought had nothing
to do with the talk she prepared, but she just felt she had to share
it. Her talk was on missionary work, and she continued on with her talk.
When she finished
with her talk, she started in again and said she wanted to share more
that was not included in her topic. She then addressed mom and I
(“...those who recently lost a loved one...”) and shared that her
mom and sister had passed away in a car accident years ago. She bore
her testimony about eternal families and the knowledge that we WILL
see our loved ones again. It was sweet and profound. It felt very
much like Heavenly Father was putting words into her mouth for our
benefit.
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| This was the last time my kids saw Grandma Moffat. September 1, 2013. |
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| I love how elegant and classic my grandma's style and decor is. I'm so glad I got to stay in her home during my time in Salt Lake. |
