My family/My world: January 2014

My mother had surgery in mid-December. It was supposed to be a routine procedure with complete recovery within 2-3 weeks. It didn't go so smoothly, to say the least. We almost lost her several times. It was liking riding a really awful roller coaster. One day she seemed to be doing better, the next, we were worried about losing her. She developed a large ulcer and was bleeding internally. She lost more than half her blood. I think it was the most scared I have ever been. Not knowing if I would see her again in this life was unbearable. I love my mom very much and have always counted her as one of my closest friends. I wanted to be there so badly. But I'm homeschooling my kids, and Jason is studying for an important exam, and we don't have any money to spare. I knew that if I went, I would not be able to stay long, so my timing had to be perfect. I saved my Christmas money and was ready to hop a plane at any time.

Amidst all the commotion of my mom's health, they finally received an offer on their home, which had been on the market for 4+ years. They accepted the offer and signed papers. Closing was set for January 31.

Finally, the roller coaster stopped; she started getting better. They had stopped the internal bleeding and gave her medication for the ulcer, and my mom was finally getting better and stronger every day. But I still felt a nagging need to be there for her. I knew that she would still be weak and I didn't want her to over do it with packing and getting ready to move. They have a lot of friends and family who could help, but my nagging feeling wouldn't got away. So I booked my flight for two weeks out. I was to leave on my birthday and would stay for a week. Just in time to help with final packing and loading.

When I flew in on Wednesday, January 22, we stopped by to see Grandma Moffat before our trip down to Castle Dale. About a year ago I had resolved to make it a priority to see my grandma every time I was in town. She is getting older and more frail. When we got there I was shocked at how tired she looked. The previous Friday she broke her arm. She told us that someone would be in that day to put the cast on. She didn't say much to us, and it felt like she hardly knew we were there. We didn't stay long because she seemed so very tired. We headed down to Castle Dale to get to work on the house.

On Thursday my mom got a call from her sister saying that grandma had been on pain medication for her arm and they were going to take her off that because it was making her too sleepy. I was relieved to hear that her loopiness had likely been caused by medication and could easily be remedied.

On Friday morning we got word that grandma's kidneys were starting to shut down. They expected it would be her last day lucid.

Mom and I drove up to be with her and help where we could. She had so many visitors. Her little room at the Wentworth nursing home was packed with loved ones. Jerald, Jess, Braydon and Alex had spent a lot of time there. Jerald said he kissed her forehead and talked to her a bit and she told him that she loved him. I could tell that meant a lot to him.

Jessica and the boys were so sweet with Grandma. I was impressed with how naturally nurturing they were. They held her hand and stroked her head. They put a cool cloth on her forehead and gave her water from a small sponge to keep her mouth from getting too dry.

Grandma's eyes fluttered open for brief moments when someone would talk to her. She would answer simple questions with a yes or no, but she was mostly sleeping. She looked so peaceful. Ron and Charlotte insisted on staying with her that night.

On Saturday we got back to the nursing home around 10 a.m. Auntie Rae had been there for several hours already. She said that grandma hadn't opened her eyes or said anything all morning. The new day brought more visitors. So many people who loved and cared for grandma. Some shared tears, all shared fond, sweet memories. Grandma may or may not have been aware, but she was surrounded by love. Her room was overflowing with it.

Jerald and his family came back at 3:00 so they could stay with grandma while her kids came back to her condo for a family meeting. I went too so I could make dinner for them. We were gone for about 2 hours.

When we returned to the Wentworth, the room was bursting at the seams with grandkids and great-grandkids. All wanting to drink in grandma's sweet spirit one last time. Cheryl was there with her little family. Boston drew, colored, and cut out a sweet rainbow and had taped it on her wall to cheer grandma up.

Within an hour, the crowd thinned out. Visitors took their kids home for bed. Stan and Marty left to check in on Marty's mom. Ron and Charlotte had left for the night. Auntie Rae and John were just leaving to get some overnight things so she could stay with grandma for the night. Mom was planning on staying too. She left the room to call dad to fill him in on how the meeting went.

At about 7:00 me, Jerald and his family were sitting in grandma's room talking about the visitors who had come in. Jerald mentioned that grandma's former bishop and his wife stopped by. She was a retired nurse, and she noted grandma's high temperature and predicted that she would probably not make it through the night. I glanced over and noticed that grandma's breathing was...different. Jessica got up to check on her. She said her hands were as cold as ice. Then we noticed her breaths were fewer and farther between. There would be a period of silence and then a small gasp of breath. We knew this was the end.

I ran out to get mom. She hung up with dad quickly and came running. I took her phone. She ran right to grandma's side. She was sobbing, “Mom! Mom! Wake up!” Jessica gently held my mom and told her it was ok. It's okay to let her go. I stepped into the hallway to call Auntie Rae. I told her she needed to come back right away. They were just pulling out of the parking lot. When I came back in, her breaths had stopped. Jerald was holding one hand and and mom the other.

We were all crying, while grandma was having a happy reunion with her loved ones on the other side. I could see her lovely smile in my mind. I could see her skipping and dancing while embracing her mom and dad. These thoughts give me so much peace and comfort.

Ron and Charlotte, Stan and Marty, Auntie Rae and John all came back to the Wentworth. Calls were made. Maddi and Cam got there, each grieving in their own way. They both had such sweet bonds with grandma. We had a family prayer. Cam said it. It was very sweet and full of emotion. After the prayer was over, we stayed standing and candidly shared stories and memories of grandma. We laughed and cried. It felt good to be smiling and honoring her memory.

Uncle Gene was at a political banquet where he was a key speaker. He was hard to get ahold of. They left messages and texts for him. He finally called Ron after 10:00. From Ron's side of the conversation I could tell that Gene was taking it hard. It sounded like he was remorseful that he wasn't there.

One thing that really impressed me was Jerald's family. I was in awe at how each one of them – even the teenage boys – were so attentive, thoughtful, and sincere. They had spent so much time at grandma's side. They were in that small room for so many hours and each one of them seemed perfectly content, as if they wouldn't choose to be any other place. When the hospice nurse came to prep her body for the coroner, Braydon stayed in there to help.

I will forever be grateful that I was able to be here at the time that I was. So glad I was able to spend time with grandma when she was still alive, and to be there for her last sweet moments on earth. I'm glad I was here to provide comfort for my mom and assistance to her family.

The day after grandma passed (Sunday), we met back at the Wentworth to help clean out her room. They happened to be having a Sacrament Meeting in the banquet room when we were wrapping up, so mom and I sneaked in the back...mom in her jeans, and me in my yoga pants. When we first sat down I started feeling a little guilty for not following John and Rae back to unload grandma's things at the condo. I was wondering if we should have been helping instead. Before the opening prayer was over, I felt so strongly touched by the spirit. I was grateful for the choice we made. I enjoyed the Sacrament so much more than I had in a long time (maybe because I didn't have 3 squirmy kids with me).

When the first speaker got up she said that she had a thought while she was chasing her toddler in the hall during the opening song, and she wished to share it with us. She thought of a conference talk where they spoke of the difference between healing and being cured. She quoted specifically about healing a broken arm. I kept thinking, this was Grandma's cure. She is cured now, not just healing. I put my arm around mom and we shed some tears. I knew mom felt it too.

That sweet speaker, who's name I never learned, then noted that her thought had nothing to do with the talk she prepared, but she just felt she had to share it. Her talk was on missionary work, and she continued on with her talk.

When she finished with her talk, she started in again and said she wanted to share more that was not included in her topic. She then addressed mom and I (“...those who recently lost a loved one...”) and shared that her mom and sister had passed away in a car accident years ago. She bore her testimony about eternal families and the knowledge that we WILL see our loved ones again. It was sweet and profound. It felt very much like Heavenly Father was putting words into her mouth for our benefit.

He loves us. He knows our needs. If we put ourselves in the right place at the right time, he will give us the comfort we need, in the best way for us to receive it.